Food for Thoughts (season 2, ep. 1): Which Water?
ATTENTION ALL THIRSTY STUDENTS
Imagine: You’re fiending for a refreshing drink from one of the many water fountains at Hanover High School. But you have to ask yourself, “which water fountain is most worth my time?” Fortunately, we’re here to answer that question for you.
Our three Thots (don’t censor that please, it’s funny), Sophie, Alice, and Julia, have done the hard work of testing the water from each fountain and have provided a brief, concise synopsis (in the form of notes) of the quality at each location. I don’t know why we’re writing in third person. This is me breaking the fourth wall. Sorry.
Disclaimer: This is a comedic review section, so please don’t be angry if we don’t like the water fountain your great-great grandfather built in 1909. Also, we’re aware water that isn’t food, but we got too attached to the idea to not follow through.
Athletic Hallway
-Both upper and lower “deck”
-Water bottle filler
-Good water pressure
-Nice cold temperature
-Far away from classes
-Good for freshmen because gym, I guess
-Can be crowded after school during sports
-One time I found corn in it… and I was scared
SSRC
-No water bottle filler
-Upper and lower deck
-Freezing cold water
-Nice water flow
-Low traffic
-Almost too cold? Sad
-The water tastes more mineral-y. Fancy or gross?
-Water fountain is low to the ground — just imagine being a high school junior who wears size 13 Nikes (men’s Nikes)
First floor nurses office
-Water bottle filler
-Very low to the ground
-Nasty warm water before it gets cold
-Lots of hallway traffic
-Mat under fountain— very boujee
English hallway
-No mat 
-Water bottle filler
-Metallic taste (it’s funny because we all have iron deficiencies oop)
-Kinda sucks overall
-Yeah very much sucks
-Lots of traffic
Science hallway
-No water bottle filler
-Cold water
-Must bend all the way over to use the lower deck fountain (PSA: if you’re short, you don’t need to prove yourself by using the tall one. Tall people have to look extremely stupid using the small one when you do that)
Math Floor
-Bad water flow
-Some might say too cold. Sophie’s teeth hurt.
-Fun, amusing posters
-Very low water bottle filler (Why? We don’t get it)
Music department
-No water bottle filler
-Not much traffic, but sneaky location (out of the way unless you do music classes)
-Gorgeous arc. Stunning.
-Reader review: “My undeniable favorite, good temp., water flow, and it doesn’t taste bad!” – Oliver Hawke
Conclusion
Buy a reusable water bottle, and don’t put corn in the athletic hallway’s water fountain, maybe.
(sponsor us @environmentalclub please and thanks)