Fraudside: Mr. Smith Taking Bribes from Freshmen
Almost every year, a motion is brought to Council to give freshmen off-campus privileges. At the meetings when these motions are discussed, the adult members of Council tend to be a secondary focus; most people are more interested in how the student members feel about the issue. This is probably why no one has ever noticed the mischievous smirk on Mr. Smith’s face as he savors the irony of his situation. Even while Mr. Smith expresses his wholehearted dissent about the motion, he is mentally planning where and when his next meetup should be with freshmen who bribe him to drive them off campus.
This behavior was first noticed by sophomore and Broadside staff writer Conrad Koehler as he was walking through the teacher parking lot during fourth period to meet his mom for a doctor’s appointment. He saw five freshmen pile into the back seats of a car and promptly duck their heads out of sight. Intrigued, he waited a few minutes until he saw Mr. Smith stride out of the side athletic doorway, into the same car, and drive away.
Mr. Smith was led to the Broadside’s underground interrogation room, believing he was being brought to a doughnut shop for a “buy one, get one free” sale on cinnamon crullers. During questioning, he vehemently denied the accusation at first, but eventually cracked and revealed that he’s been taking freshmen off campus since 2006.
“I have to spend almost every day policing kids and make sure they avoid breaking the rules,” he said. “I had all this bottled up deviance inside of me and it just felt so good to let it out that I never stopped after that first time.” Mr. Smith also enjoyed the bribes he received from his clients in the form of two Co-op bagels per off-campus trip.
Many people in the school community are outraged, especially the current freshmen.
“It’s just insulting,” says Daniel Osofsky. “Why would he only offer his services to a few people out of the entire grade? This is discrimination.”
Upperclassmen are annoyed, as well, since they’ll have to buy more food from the Co-op now for their freshmen friends, now that it’s even harder for freshmen to sneak of campus.