Maroon Shirts Overthrow Council, Institute “Smithtatorship”

Jubilant cries erupted from the chorus room as masses of students clad in maroon stormed into Council and threw out the of Council representatives. This group, named the “Maroon Shirts,” advanced on Council in order to dispose of the previous democratic system present in HHS and replace it with a total dictatorship, under the control of Hayden Smith. I asked several Maroon Shirts why they wanted Hayden in power and received a variety of answers. Some students felt that Council was taking too long in deciding whether to purchase a Hibachi grill for students to use in the pit and felt a dictator would make up his mind faster. Other students were tired of the Health and Gym requirements at HHS and were swayed by Hayden’s idea of replacing these classes with new courses on Memes and Hibachi cooking instead. Whichever it is, it is clear that the new order is here to stay and very angry.

Two weeks into the Smithtatorship and tensions are as hot as the surface of a Hibachi grill. After ousting Council, students wanted change, but it turned out that Hayden has no cents, no cents at all. While Hayden promised the moon, it seems that he has been thus far unable to deliver on any of his promises. When approached for comment Hayden simply remarked “I have more important things to think about, like buying tendies from the Co-op, mmm tendies…” Hayden then slowly wandered off in the direction of the Co-op, drool leaking from his mouth. While I understand students’ frustration with Council, I fear that we may have put a tendie-obsessed madman in power.

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