Model UN Trip

“Oh, and by the way,” said President Sarkozy, “in protest of the recent ban, an Algerian terrorist group has just flattened the Eiffel Tower.”

At the Brown University Simulation of the United Nations (BUSUN), the French Council of Ministers—of which I was temporarily a member—sat around a table and looked blankly at each other. We had spent most of our early committee sessions discussing France’s recent ban on religious attire in public places, notably the veils worn by many Muslim women. In an attempt to stay in character, we had stood by the real Council’s nearly unanimous vote in favor of the ban, and now, as our president—portrayed by our committee chair, one of the Brown students running the conference—had so nonchalantly informed us, the Eiffel Tower was gone. To make matters worse, what had seemed like a minor pinkeye outbreak in rural Pakistan had grown into a worldwide pandemic of a deadly flu virus—and it had reached France.

At Model UN, catastrophes like these are common in specialized crisis committees, small groups designed to simulate government bodies facing difficult situations. Crises may be set in the present day or based on a historical conflict. For example, even as our beloved, present-day, French first lady Carla Bruni was kidnapped and held hostage in Brazil, another delegate from Hanover in another crisis committee was working on suppressing the French Revolution. One crisis even took place in 2017.

But specialized crises aren’t always part of the conference experience. Many delegates are members of committees and agencies that model those found in the real UN, like the Economic and Financial Committee and the World Health Organization. These committees sit as many as 150 people, each representing a different member state. Instead of dealing with new and often drastic information constantly flying at them, these delegates carefully deliberate upon world issues with the aim of writing resolutions, formal “suggestions” to help countries solve problems. In order to speak, participants must be called on or request to be added to a speakers list. Notes fly back and forth across the room, whether or not they are related to the proceedings. Only in these sessions might one hear, “Hi Senegal, I’m North Korea. Want to write a resolution?”

By contrast, my committee, which imitated the French government, had eight members. We were part of one big “joint crisis” with six other nations: Brazil, Russia, India, China, Pakistan, and the United States. This meant that we could actually communicate with their governments, each made up of another group of BUSUN participants not far away. When French scientists came up with a vaccine that was 100% effective in preventing the contraction of the “pinkeye” virus, we were able to sell it and give it away to other countries experiencing the same crisis. We also teamed up with the United States to launch a sting operation in an attempt recover Carla Bruni from her Algerian captors, who were demanding our vaccine. To our horror, a video clip, one of many prepared by the BUSUN crisis staff, showed a bumbling American agent tripping over his own feet, alerting the terrorists to his presence; then, while trying to figure out how to work his gun, he accidentally shot his French partner. Tragically, Madame Bruni did not survive the incident. After watching the clip, President Sarkozy left the room, much distraught; he returned several minutes later, happily remarried to an imaginary wife we named “Pam.” In honor of our late first lady, we erected a 500-foot-tall statue of her on the spot where the Eiffel Tower had stood. Brazil approved and constructed a 501-foot-tall statue of Brazilian model Gisele Bündchen. India, China, and Russia soon followed suit with statues of their own, and things only grew more outrageous from there.

There are many nice things about Model UN. It’s an opportunity to explore the host school and the surrounding area with other students, all while learning more about international relations than many could ever hope to know. In my case, one of the best parts of BUSUN 2010 was that it wasn’t real: the Eiffel Tower is still standing, Carla Bruni is alive and well, and as far as I know, the world hasn’t yet been taken over by Michael Phelps clones and rampaging penguin zombies (that was the extent to which the global situation eventually deteriorated). It’s true that what we do at a conference doesn’t have a direct impact on international affairs: as soon as we leave our committee sessions, we’re regular high school students again, playing cards in the hotel or venturing out to the Cheesecake Factory. But in the long run, it does matter. One day, it will be our generation making the decisions—and that can be an alarming prospect. As the BUSUN t-shirts say, “It’s our world.” And based on what happened in the Joint Crisis, that world is going to get very interesting.